Day 1

Day 1 of my "diet" I still haven't had a soda for 3 weeks.. Which is still driving me nuts.. But thats where alot of the bad food comes from. Now I am going to try and eliminate fast food. And I am only allowing myself one carb a day. I wish I could go to the gym right now but I dont have the stroller and I need that in order to take zoi with me. But thats okay Ill go tomarrow morning. I am not letting myself eat if I am not hungry!!! I just find myself eating because I think im hungry but I know im not.!! Lots of water and atleast 2 miles a day on the bike or treadmill and I will loose this weight in no time. Plus I have these pills from the dr that should help me a little bit. I mean if I want to loose 60 pounds im going to have to work my ass off! It's not going to come easy! damn all you naturally skinny females!! And once I loose weight I will finally be more confident and I will be able to wear anything I want and not have to worry about looking fat in a picture and I will have my long hair and I will finally not feel like a boy or a lesbian. And im just going to be so happy and stop comparing myself to other people. I will finally be satisfied.

Little mermaid

I am watching the little mermaid. What a great movie! i totally forgot about it!!! Zoi got a hello kity today thats wearing a zebra suit.!! I am going to really attmept to take family portraits this week. If everyone could get one the same schedule. On another note this weekend was devons birthday and we went to the palace after finally ditching all those fucking idiots I was surrounded by on the strip. My brothers birthday is on wensday and my grandpas is on sunday! Busy week I wanted to go to utah this weekend for the bug races. Fuckin macys. I think im giving myself extenetions this week and acyrlics I cant take this not feeling girly anymore I feel so butch and gross.

Ted jones

Its my day off and I have been pretty busy. I cleaned, gave zoi a bath, laundry all that lovely shit people enjoy doing. Except for the giving zoi a bath part I really do enjoy doing that. I have alot of interestint things happening soon enough I have tickets to primus and roger waters. There is some other people coming I want to see too.. But anyways.. Yet another day where I put the word out I would like to have people over and nothing. And yet again I sit and wonder why doesn't anyone like me. It's so wierd. I wish I wouldn't let it bother me so much but I can't I am just to sensative I suppose. blahhhh I am so sick of blabbering about this every week I feel like it upsets me. How do I get over it?

Pete's wicked strawberry blonde

I am enjoying a nice brew while watching center stage and Zoi is playing with her rattle finally. She seems to rather want to play with her bag of whipes and random things. Man dieting is so hard I always want to bored when I eat... That's why I should just start smoking.. But I would never it is so gross when people have babies and smoke. I mean your picking up your baby and you stink and they can smell it and it's just not good not to mention I would probably shave 15 years off my life by smoking. How the hell do people become anorexic. I mean shit its so hard to not even eat past 7 let alone not eat at all. No wonder its a mental disorder. I think maybe i'm mental I mean I write this blog so I can talk to myself really. Haha oh my.

My hair...

I always cut my hair off! Why do I do it? I just want beautiful wavy hair... One day I will have it.. Extensions are just such a bitch to take care of and enjoy.

Elmo is so tic-uh-lee

So as of late I think depression has sunken in more than usual. I find myself blogging and rearranging my facebook photos once Zoi falls asleep. I love Zoi so very much but of course it still upsets me that I just turned 21 and cannot do everything I'd like. But trust me it's better that way or else I would probably be an alchoholic. But you know what really pisses me off..? I try to have people over.. And not a soul but my sister in law wants to come over. Why? Is it me? What did I do to everyone? Yes I have a baby but that doesn't mean im not in need of a friend or a night out. Every weekend since I've turned 21 I have tried to make plans and they have turned to shit every weekend. What im trying to say is that I do have feelings, I do want friends, And I deserve a social life. And you know what I am just going to start going out by myself and meeting new people. All of you have a group of friends but why? It took me a while to figure out but it's because you all still hang out with the same people you did in middle school. How pathetic.. And to think I was thinking it was me. Nope it's you you're all immature and obviously very secure with it. So no I'm really not going to let it bother me any more. That's just silly of me and a waste of time and emotion. Again moving on.. In conclusion I love my baby, I am adult and I can go out on my own, I am a good friend & I am moving on!

Good riddance and good luck!